Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
