Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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