theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
