just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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