also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
