I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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