I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
