She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
