she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
