remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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