And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
