You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
