I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
