i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
