btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
