I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
