Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
