I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I touched a dick in church today
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
