Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
