I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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