It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
