I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
