I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Who died my cat blue again?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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