I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
