I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
