fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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