I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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