He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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