Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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