You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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