i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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