Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
