He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
