I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
