What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
