you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
