I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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