I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
