listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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