Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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