you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
