I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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