You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
