ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
