Sober January is a disaster.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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