Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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