Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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