need another drink. this is the easiest way
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
