i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
