i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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