So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
